SITREP: Choosing your friends wisely

SITREP: Choosing your friends wisely
Cornelle D. Carney, Blogger
8 August 10

You know, a lot of effort goes into building a friendship. I personally think that friendships are essential to living a fulfilling and enjoyable life. Friendships have lost a lot of value over the years—they are no longer as respected as they were. They should be special bonds between you and the ones you consider your friends and it should be unchanging.

Due to various different stimuli friendships become discarded. For example, one of my friends (I’ll still call him friend because we never formally discontinued our friendship) of five years decided to look at his future and plan his next steps. I believe that making plans will allow you be better prepared for the life ahead, so I commend him for that. What I did not plan for or was prepared for was me being removed from his everyday social circle and support group.

There were different reasons for why I could no longer be his friend; but, the reason that was most shocking to me was that he said I had not grown. This was a catalyst of many questions in my mind that I cannot get answers for because of his refusal to talk to me. Whether if he thinks that I have grown or not, I have learned that people are going to form their own opinion about you. If I was able to speak to him now I would say this quote: “You have to start where people are, because their growth is going to be from there, not from some abstraction or where you are or someone else is.” –Myles Horton

Moving along, there had to be something that provoked this thought process of his. As I move forward in life, I know that I cannot control anyone’s beliefs or thoughts—I can only control for self.

So, what can be done to develop long-lasting friendships?
(1) Co-ownership: There has to be a sense of co-ownership in the friendship. Friendships belong to all parties involved not just “one-sees and two-sees.”
(2) Discussion: When problems come up talk about them rather than put the discussion on the back burner.
(3) Commitment: Be 100% committed. You cannot be committed to a friendship when it is convenient for you.
(4) Trustworthiness: If you say that you are going to do something then do it. Do not say that you are going to return a book and have your friend waiting for weeks.
(5) Communication: I believe there is a difference between communication and discussion… Most of what I know about the discarding of our friendship comes from a trustworthy and reliable third-party. It should not be that way. Communications should happen within and be steady.
(6) Constructive Criticisms: this is important! Not only be able to provide constructive criticism, but be open to receiving them as well. Constructive criticisms means that not only should you bring your friend’s shortcomings forward, but help develop a plan to make things better.

A common misconception is that friendships are all about partying and having fun which is not the whole truth. There is this other extreme of friendship that all parties involved must be committed to and that is, the bad. Not only support your friends when they are on top of their game; but, you have to extend that same support when they are struggling! And I promise you doing this will make for a promising, fulfilling, long-lasting friendship.

Thanks for reading!

Cornelle D. Carney
“No matter how far you have gone on a wrong road, turn back.” –Turkish Proverb
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